Continual Evolution

I wonder if upon turning 30 everyone has a need to search for the ‘truth’?I have been finding myself lately trying to put into feasible words what I believe at the moment.
In order to help my folks rediscover lost friends I helped them join the Facebook community last year due to the fact that neither of them are particularly computer friendly. As mom and dad are both atheists I clicked on this tab in the religion section of their profile. A few weeks later my kind hearted mom asked me to remove this statement as she did not want to offend her religious family members and friends. It seems that it is taboo to be an atheist?Having thought about this request and knowing it was true I came to feel rather annoyed that people of religion could possibly be offended by my parents belief when in fact my parents should feel offended by the constant religious emails about Jesus and requests to go to Christian rallies for healing. In my mind that is a complete lack of respect for a belief that is totally rational in comparison to the ‘fairytale’ beliefs of religion. There are certain people who think that if they “just believe” then things will “come right” for them financially. What a ridiculous idea. So, I suppose that rich successful atheists have the devil on their side?Now I am totally a convert of positive thinking and fully believe that what we project is what we attract or as the bible tells us, “what we sow is what we reap”.To attribute success to God seems to me a bit unfair. What about us? Are we not responsible for our own destinies and paths in life? Those people who ‘believe’ are still waiting to “come right”. Approaching old age one hopes that God will finally listen to their prayers.
I know that some of my friends are anti Richard Dawkins however I feel that there is a need for his system of belief in society today. I like the name of his foundation. The Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science. Its simple, clear-cut and sums up what many people feel. Some however would argue that his foundation is in a way a kind of religion. If one looks at the meaning of the word it says: a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects. So, I guess it is true. He has started a religious movement of like-minded people. Now once again, I am pushed away by that very word, religion. To me it brings about feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger and with that the words stupidity and brain washed pop into my head. Now to decipher the word atheist I really liked a comment made by a member on the ‘I am an Atheist’ group on Facebook: Luke: “The word “atheist does not mean that you actively disbelieve in a god. It means that you are without (prefix a) a system of belief in a deity (theism). Anyone who does not believe in the concept of “god” is an atheist. There are few out there who would go so far as to structure a system of belief around the concept of a deity not existing”.
And an apt quote:” The existence of a world without God seems to me less absurd than the presence of a God, existing in all his perfection, creating an imperfect man in order to make him run the risk of Hell.” [Armand Salacrou, “Certitudes et incertitudes,” 1943]
Having grown up in a Christian society and being indoctrinated into that way of life, my psyche has always been etched with those feelings of guilt that religion bestows. I think growing up and being naturally inquisitive led me to question many of the religious beliefs of my surroundings and even though my immediate family were not particularly religious, somehow I still managed to be dragged down by delusional feelings of guilt. I can only imagine how much more guilt some of my friends who were heavily influenced by religion feel today. One of my best friends grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness only to leave the ‘cult’ at 19. Although free of its shackles, at 31 today she still has deep feelings of guilt that the religion carved into her being from a very young age. I know a girl who lives her life on anti depressants. She is so obviously gay but also happens to be a staunch Christian, which in turn stunts her true happiness, as she can never be who she was born to be. So, her continual cycle of anti depressants and church remain. Stagnation at its best.
Returning to the thought that our surrounding belief system makes us who we are and ingrains our psyche, I have to admit that this has defeated me somewhat. Religion has had an impact on me and I find it really difficult to come to the terms with the word ‘atheist’. As mentioned before, it is taboo. The word just struggles to fall off my tongue with ease. So, a happy medium for me is the word agnostic whose dictionary meaning is: A person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience. A much more comfortable read isn’t it? I believe that I am in continual evolution. What I believe today I know that I will not believe tomorrow. My ideas and thoughts move and shift through time cutting a path to my destination wherever that may be. I know that I am a naturally ‘spiritual person’. I have a strong intuition and sense of my place in this world. I am very open to all ideas and strange phenomenon. Some things out there amaze me and no rationality can ever explain them, or at least not at this present time. This is why I prefer to choose the word agnostic. I think the word atheism is perhaps just a little too arrogant or cocky for my comfort. As for my old friend religion. I guess it has its place somehow. I wont deny that there are amazing Christian teachings and that I am a fan of Buddhism. There are many a beautiful verse or quotation that has its root in the religion. However, I will have to decline the kind invitation to marry the word as I have seen too many painful divorces from it.So on that note I feel I have said my say and can put my questioning at rest for today. See you soon, Love The Spiritual Agnostic Evolver (to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution)