Home is what YOU make it

All this talk these days of a homecoming revolution seems to be the latest ‘in’ thing for South Africans. One hears more and more of ex pats returning to their home land and in fact I personally know 3 friends who have left the land of grey within the last two years. Very exciting times indeed. I read with envy the facebook entries of friends returned and greedily view their photos of weekends in the Wilderness. With each new photo revealed an aching wound of longing throbs within me yearning for a clear sunny day to bestow its rays upon me, healing this void that saps me weak.
My throat tightens with emotion that if left unchecked will consume me whole and render me a sobbing wreck. Africa has such a gravitational pull for me and it seems countless others too. The raw wild passion of this amazing continent has an ability to crawl under ones many layers of being and spark a fire that continues to burn silently in varying degrees of heat throughout ones life. One always dreamed of travelling the world, seeing the history of Europe and opening the eyes to civilization. Now that many of us have experienced this and have settled abroad the pull of Africa has taken us by surprise. I seriously doubt that a person from a city suburb in the UK would feel the same way if they settled abroad. I just don’t think that there is the same strength of pull. I feel that with the emergence of social networking sites over the last few years we have been more exposed to the positive aspects of home and have seen through friends pages that it is possible to live safe and secure with financial stability back home. This coupled with positive sites such as Home Bru and Homecoming Revolution has made the return home much more feasible.

With my bruised heartstrings silently aching I aim to swallow my longing and jealousy of friends returning. As much as I dream of a life back home where my children can experience wild nature the way I did, I know that it is just not possible for me. I chose to marry a UK citizen and settle in his home country with him. I have since had three children and we are living on the south coast in a lovely village called Stubbington nestled between the cities of Portsmouth and Southampton. I am a very satisfied woman and feel so grateful that I have a happy family unit. This seems to be a rarity these days. I seem to be surrounded by discontent friends and family units being broken and abandoned. Although I am essentially happy I have in the past been very down about not being able to return home, made all the worse because I have not seen my parents for over two years and they have missed out on the development of their grandchildren. It has been seven years since I was last in South Africa as the cost of flying a family of five is horrendous. Thank goodness for the wonders of Skype and cheap long distance phone calls.

Not too long ago I came to the decision that it was up to me to determine my own success in full UK integration and inner happiness. I have over the last year taken steps to find my place on this island of grey. Here are a few things I have done that may benefit you?
1) I started exercising regularly. I joined my local gym and started doing spinning classes. The burst of endorphins after a class is such an addiction that I hope I will never tire of. I also joined our local running club and run once a week with a wonderful motivating group of people. There is such a magical essence that fills me when running next to crashing waves on the beach with a misty full moon peering down at me with smiling ‘eyes’.
2) I made an effort to actually join in with the moms at school. One can so easily fall into the trap of prejudgement and this can prevent what could be a very successful friendship. Since opening my heart I have actually been surprised that there are other likeminded people waiting patiently for me to be the first to send them a smile invitation. I have found that I am a likeable person who is worthy of being valued and offering value. This is a great boost to ones self esteem and confidence.
3) Along with one of my newfound friends we formed a book club which meets once a month and offers great satisfaction for a group of culturally deprived moms. It has to our surprise snowballed so quickly to a large group that seems to be ever growing with popularity. We even have a website with virtual members.
4) I made an effort to get out every day with my children in any weather. When it is sunny we really cherish and appreciate every hour in the day and make the most of it by going to the beach or local country park.
5) We walk to our local village and browse the shops. We spend time in the library reading books and we attend messy play sessions at the local children’s centre. These sessions only cost £1 per family which is a bargain considering all the art products provided. I have to be grateful for the abundance of benefits available for children and families in this country. We are so lucky and blessed to be able to send our children for 15 hours free per week to an amazing preschool. If I ever were unfortunate to become a single parent I know that I would be completely supported in every way possible.
6) I try to get out to see a film as often as possible. I usually go on Wednesdays to benefit from the two for one promotion from Orange mobile phone company. We usually debate the film in one of the many pubs in town over a pint. I love UK pubs and the history that surrounds them. Even more so I love real ale. That is one drink that is not prominent in South Africa.
7) I enjoy the fact that clothes, books, cd’s and dvd’s are so cheap in the UK and I feel privileged that I am able to buy them on a regular basis and benefit from their beauty and knowledge.
8) I am currently studying two home-study courses. Education is very affordable and one has access to thousands of courses either through home study or college. I was amazed to discover that certain degrees in healthcare are actually free.
9) I am in the process of becoming a Brownie pack leader and I feel by giving my time I will be adding benefit and value to the community, my children and myself.
10) I have my own mobile massage business, which keeps me busy a few evenings each week. Being able to meet and engage with different types of people whilst earning a bit of money is very rewarding. I have also chosen a job where my arrival is gratefully received.

With all the above in mind I want to convey that it is possible to be happy wherever you live in the world. If you can focus on finding the positives where you live and actively engage with others you will generate your own happiness. The above steps have worked for me. You will need to discover what works best for you.
I will always miss my homeland and my homesickness goes through peaks and troughs. There are countless pros and cons to both South Africa and the UK and in the past I used to bury Africa with negative comments to ease my longing. Now, I would rather find the positives in the UK to make my life here a happy successful existence. I hope you can do the same. Happiness truly is a state of mind as Richard Bach aptly quoted: “ Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours”.