All this talk these days of a homecoming revolution seems to be the latest ‘in’ thing for South Africans. One hears more and more of ex pats returning to their home land and in fact I personally know 3 friends who have left the land of grey within the last two years. Very exciting times indeed. I read with envy the facebook entries of friends returned and greedily view their photos of weekends in the Wilderness. With each new photo revealed an aching wound of longing throbs within me yearning for a clear sunny day to bestow its rays upon me, healing this void that saps me weak.
My throat tightens with emotion that if left unchecked will consume me whole and render me a sobbing wreck. Africa has such a gravitational pull for me and it seems countless others too. The raw wild passion of this amazing continent has an ability to crawl under ones many layers of being and spark a fire that continues to burn silently in varying degrees of heat throughout ones life. One always dreamed of travelling the world, seeing the history of Europe and opening the eyes to civilization. Now that many of us have experienced this and have settled abroad the pull of Africa has taken us by surprise. I seriously doubt that a person from a city suburb in the UK would feel the same way if they settled abroad. I just don’t think that there is the same strength of pull. I feel that with the emergence of social networking sites over the last few years we have been more exposed to the positive aspects of home and have seen through friends pages that it is possible to live safe and secure with financial stability back home. This coupled with positive sites such as Home Bru and Homecoming Revolution has made the return home much more feasible.
With my bruised heartstrings silently aching I aim to swallow my longing and jealousy of friends returning. As much as I dream of a life back home where my children can experience wild nature the way I did, I know that it is just not possible for me. I chose to marry a UK citizen and settle in his home country with him. I have since had three children and we are living on the south coast in a lovely village called Stubbington nestled between the cities of Portsmouth and Southampton. I am a very satisfied woman and feel so grateful that I have a happy family unit. This seems to be a rarity these days. I seem to be surrounded by discontent friends and family units being broken and abandoned. Although I am essentially happy I have in the past been very down about not being able to return home, made all the worse because I have not seen my parents for over two years and they have missed out on the development of their grandchildren. It has been seven years since I was last in South Africa as the cost of flying a family of five is horrendous. Thank goodness for the wonders of Skype and cheap long distance phone calls.
Not too long ago I came to the decision that it was up to me to determine my own success in full UK integration and inner happiness. I have over the last year taken steps to find my place on this island of grey. Here are a few things I have done that may benefit you?
1) I started exercising regularly. I joined my local gym and started doing spinning classes. The burst of endorphins after a class is such an addiction that I hope I will never tire of. I also joined our local running club and run once a week with a wonderful motivating group of people. There is such a magical essence that fills me when running next to crashing waves on the beach with a misty full moon peering down at me with smiling ‘eyes’.
2) I made an effort to actually join in with the moms at school. One can so easily fall into the trap of prejudgement and this can prevent what could be a very successful friendship. Since opening my heart I have actually been surprised that there are other likeminded people waiting patiently for me to be the first to send them a smile invitation. I have found that I am a likeable person who is worthy of being valued and offering value. This is a great boost to ones self esteem and confidence.
3) Along with one of my newfound friends we formed a book club which meets once a month and offers great satisfaction for a group of culturally deprived moms. It has to our surprise snowballed so quickly to a large group that seems to be ever growing with popularity. We even have a website with virtual members.
4) I made an effort to get out every day with my children in any weather. When it is sunny we really cherish and appreciate every hour in the day and make the most of it by going to the beach or local country park.
5) We walk to our local village and browse the shops. We spend time in the library reading books and we attend messy play sessions at the local children’s centre. These sessions only cost £1 per family which is a bargain considering all the art products provided. I have to be grateful for the abundance of benefits available for children and families in this country. We are so lucky and blessed to be able to send our children for 15 hours free per week to an amazing preschool. If I ever were unfortunate to become a single parent I know that I would be completely supported in every way possible.
6) I try to get out to see a film as often as possible. I usually go on Wednesdays to benefit from the two for one promotion from Orange mobile phone company. We usually debate the film in one of the many pubs in town over a pint. I love UK pubs and the history that surrounds them. Even more so I love real ale. That is one drink that is not prominent in South Africa.
7) I enjoy the fact that clothes, books, cd’s and dvd’s are so cheap in the UK and I feel privileged that I am able to buy them on a regular basis and benefit from their beauty and knowledge.
8) I am currently studying two home-study courses. Education is very affordable and one has access to thousands of courses either through home study or college. I was amazed to discover that certain degrees in healthcare are actually free.
9) I am in the process of becoming a Brownie pack leader and I feel by giving my time I will be adding benefit and value to the community, my children and myself.
10) I have my own mobile massage business, which keeps me busy a few evenings each week. Being able to meet and engage with different types of people whilst earning a bit of money is very rewarding. I have also chosen a job where my arrival is gratefully received.
With all the above in mind I want to convey that it is possible to be happy wherever you live in the world. If you can focus on finding the positives where you live and actively engage with others you will generate your own happiness. The above steps have worked for me. You will need to discover what works best for you.
I will always miss my homeland and my homesickness goes through peaks and troughs. There are countless pros and cons to both South Africa and the UK and in the past I used to bury Africa with negative comments to ease my longing. Now, I would rather find the positives in the UK to make my life here a happy successful existence. I hope you can do the same. Happiness truly is a state of mind as Richard Bach aptly quoted: “ Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours”.
Tuesday, 30 March 2010
Sunday, 3 May 2009
An evening of intrigue at 'The Meat Market'.
Last night I entered a world, which I have not been in touch with for over 10 years. Having been married since 2000 and in a committed relationship since 1997 I have not felt inclined to enter the usual nightclub spots that singletons frequent.
My normal social interactions include other couples (usually with children) coming round for an evening of food, wine and board game playing such as Cranium or Balderdash.
Last night however was a one off event. My neighbour recently lost her husband to another woman and has been on a downward spiral ever since. The grief of losing her partner has spurred her into desperately trying to find another man to fill the void that he left. This week she reached her milestone birthday of forty years and decided that a night out on the tiles at our town’s local nightspot called Chicago Rock was in order.
Feeling sorry for her plight I offered to go with and be the designated driver.
So joining the small gang of her mostly single middle aged lady friends I entered the lion’s den with slight trepidation. My only consolation was that we had booked a table with a 3-course meal. Give me food and I am happy.
The venue was relatively quiet when we arrived and I enjoyed listening to the ‘gangs’ life stories. They ranged from divorcees, cheating husband dramas, lesbians, married to not yet married singletons. We all watched with interest the local ‘special needs’ man boogie on the dance floor by himself to Michael Jackson. Apparently he is a regular customer who usually comes to dance the night away with another ‘special’ luminous Lycra clad male. Already my evening was beginning to become interesting.
As our meal passed our lips the venue came to become more crowded and the influx of sexy dolled up females and hormone driven men began.
As one would expect there was the usual themed clothing for the hen ladies - cops and robbers, cowboys and indians etc… even the obligatory inflated doll and sheep joined the party celebrations.
Sitting at my table and watching the evening unfold with fascination I smiled happily to myself sometimes catching the hawk like eyes of the single male sexes. In a not so smooth swoop I was immediately pounced upon by a bearded nerdy looking man. Slightly surprised and a bit uneasy I tried to engage in civil conversation with the brave man. However before I could do so one of the ‘gang’ hastily stepped in the way barking, “She’s a married woman mate, so be off with you”.
At this point in order not to offend one of ‘the gang’ and feeling very uncomfortable I decided to say nothing and let it be.
The onslaught however did not end with the bearded man and I was soon at the receiving end of a very nervous mans bad joke. I laughed the obligatory laugh and commenced to smile kindly at him being ever so conscious of his bravery to approach. With cheesy pop blasting through the sound speakers and my voice reaching straining point whilst trying to fight through the noise, I soon found out that he had been single for over two years and had been desperately trying to find his soul mate. Being a regular of the meat market and online dating he had so far failed to find a suitable life partner. He explained that he had stupidly broken up with a long-term girlfriend and was now at the age of 35 suffering the consequences of a possible life of loneliness. With such a negative downtrodden attitude I tried my very best to assure him of a positive love filled future. He nodded in a kind of sad Eyeore fashion and made his way to the bar leaving me feeling so sad for his singleton affliction. Consequently ‘the gang’ looked at me with slight disapproval that I, married woman of 3 children should be so tacky to engage in conversation with ‘sexually’ driven males. I couldn’t help thinking that there was perhaps a reason why ‘the gang’ were still single. It seemed to me that when any brave male ‘soldier’ of the singleton war approached one of the ladies they were almost immediately rebuffed with a sharp slap of dialogue or disapproving eye contact. I started to think that their attitude was exclusively British however not having enough experience in these situations I declined to reach a verdict. I did subsequently discuss the debate with my British husband and his opinion confirmed my suspicion. Being antipodean and naturally friendlier I was a much easier pull than my more reserved British counterparts. Even compared to the scantily clad females who left nothing to the imagination and whose attire encouraged male attention, my southern sunnyness prevailed against the icy chill of their haughtiness.
The evening was so interesting for me and although being ‘hit’ on was not the most comfortable of experiences I think the affirmation of my ability to attract felt quite good. I did however leave the venue feeling quite sad for all those lonely men and women who would leave their regular weekly haunt all alone.
I sincerely hope that the relationship with my husband remains as strong while we are alive on earth together for I dread the day when I have to attend the meat market again. Rather, give me jazz filled evenings of culinary heaven and nights out to the art cinema where I can debate the cinematic experience with my husband over real ale in the local pub.
In the mean time I send all my love, hope and peace to the war that I call single Dom.
My normal social interactions include other couples (usually with children) coming round for an evening of food, wine and board game playing such as Cranium or Balderdash.
Last night however was a one off event. My neighbour recently lost her husband to another woman and has been on a downward spiral ever since. The grief of losing her partner has spurred her into desperately trying to find another man to fill the void that he left. This week she reached her milestone birthday of forty years and decided that a night out on the tiles at our town’s local nightspot called Chicago Rock was in order.
Feeling sorry for her plight I offered to go with and be the designated driver.
So joining the small gang of her mostly single middle aged lady friends I entered the lion’s den with slight trepidation. My only consolation was that we had booked a table with a 3-course meal. Give me food and I am happy.
The venue was relatively quiet when we arrived and I enjoyed listening to the ‘gangs’ life stories. They ranged from divorcees, cheating husband dramas, lesbians, married to not yet married singletons. We all watched with interest the local ‘special needs’ man boogie on the dance floor by himself to Michael Jackson. Apparently he is a regular customer who usually comes to dance the night away with another ‘special’ luminous Lycra clad male. Already my evening was beginning to become interesting.
As our meal passed our lips the venue came to become more crowded and the influx of sexy dolled up females and hormone driven men began.
As one would expect there was the usual themed clothing for the hen ladies - cops and robbers, cowboys and indians etc… even the obligatory inflated doll and sheep joined the party celebrations.
Sitting at my table and watching the evening unfold with fascination I smiled happily to myself sometimes catching the hawk like eyes of the single male sexes. In a not so smooth swoop I was immediately pounced upon by a bearded nerdy looking man. Slightly surprised and a bit uneasy I tried to engage in civil conversation with the brave man. However before I could do so one of the ‘gang’ hastily stepped in the way barking, “She’s a married woman mate, so be off with you”.
At this point in order not to offend one of ‘the gang’ and feeling very uncomfortable I decided to say nothing and let it be.
The onslaught however did not end with the bearded man and I was soon at the receiving end of a very nervous mans bad joke. I laughed the obligatory laugh and commenced to smile kindly at him being ever so conscious of his bravery to approach. With cheesy pop blasting through the sound speakers and my voice reaching straining point whilst trying to fight through the noise, I soon found out that he had been single for over two years and had been desperately trying to find his soul mate. Being a regular of the meat market and online dating he had so far failed to find a suitable life partner. He explained that he had stupidly broken up with a long-term girlfriend and was now at the age of 35 suffering the consequences of a possible life of loneliness. With such a negative downtrodden attitude I tried my very best to assure him of a positive love filled future. He nodded in a kind of sad Eyeore fashion and made his way to the bar leaving me feeling so sad for his singleton affliction. Consequently ‘the gang’ looked at me with slight disapproval that I, married woman of 3 children should be so tacky to engage in conversation with ‘sexually’ driven males. I couldn’t help thinking that there was perhaps a reason why ‘the gang’ were still single. It seemed to me that when any brave male ‘soldier’ of the singleton war approached one of the ladies they were almost immediately rebuffed with a sharp slap of dialogue or disapproving eye contact. I started to think that their attitude was exclusively British however not having enough experience in these situations I declined to reach a verdict. I did subsequently discuss the debate with my British husband and his opinion confirmed my suspicion. Being antipodean and naturally friendlier I was a much easier pull than my more reserved British counterparts. Even compared to the scantily clad females who left nothing to the imagination and whose attire encouraged male attention, my southern sunnyness prevailed against the icy chill of their haughtiness.
The evening was so interesting for me and although being ‘hit’ on was not the most comfortable of experiences I think the affirmation of my ability to attract felt quite good. I did however leave the venue feeling quite sad for all those lonely men and women who would leave their regular weekly haunt all alone.
I sincerely hope that the relationship with my husband remains as strong while we are alive on earth together for I dread the day when I have to attend the meat market again. Rather, give me jazz filled evenings of culinary heaven and nights out to the art cinema where I can debate the cinematic experience with my husband over real ale in the local pub.
In the mean time I send all my love, hope and peace to the war that I call single Dom.
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Continual Evolution
I wonder if upon turning 30 everyone has a need to search for the ‘truth’?I have been finding myself lately trying to put into feasible words what I believe at the moment.
In order to help my folks rediscover lost friends I helped them join the Facebook community last year due to the fact that neither of them are particularly computer friendly. As mom and dad are both atheists I clicked on this tab in the religion section of their profile. A few weeks later my kind hearted mom asked me to remove this statement as she did not want to offend her religious family members and friends. It seems that it is taboo to be an atheist?Having thought about this request and knowing it was true I came to feel rather annoyed that people of religion could possibly be offended by my parents belief when in fact my parents should feel offended by the constant religious emails about Jesus and requests to go to Christian rallies for healing. In my mind that is a complete lack of respect for a belief that is totally rational in comparison to the ‘fairytale’ beliefs of religion. There are certain people who think that if they “just believe” then things will “come right” for them financially. What a ridiculous idea. So, I suppose that rich successful atheists have the devil on their side?Now I am totally a convert of positive thinking and fully believe that what we project is what we attract or as the bible tells us, “what we sow is what we reap”.To attribute success to God seems to me a bit unfair. What about us? Are we not responsible for our own destinies and paths in life? Those people who ‘believe’ are still waiting to “come right”. Approaching old age one hopes that God will finally listen to their prayers.
I know that some of my friends are anti Richard Dawkins however I feel that there is a need for his system of belief in society today. I like the name of his foundation. The Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science. Its simple, clear-cut and sums up what many people feel. Some however would argue that his foundation is in a way a kind of religion. If one looks at the meaning of the word it says: a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects. So, I guess it is true. He has started a religious movement of like-minded people. Now once again, I am pushed away by that very word, religion. To me it brings about feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger and with that the words stupidity and brain washed pop into my head. Now to decipher the word atheist I really liked a comment made by a member on the ‘I am an Atheist’ group on Facebook: Luke: “The word “atheist does not mean that you actively disbelieve in a god. It means that you are without (prefix a) a system of belief in a deity (theism). Anyone who does not believe in the concept of “god” is an atheist. There are few out there who would go so far as to structure a system of belief around the concept of a deity not existing”.
And an apt quote:” The existence of a world without God seems to me less absurd than the presence of a God, existing in all his perfection, creating an imperfect man in order to make him run the risk of Hell.” [Armand Salacrou, “Certitudes et incertitudes,” 1943]
Having grown up in a Christian society and being indoctrinated into that way of life, my psyche has always been etched with those feelings of guilt that religion bestows. I think growing up and being naturally inquisitive led me to question many of the religious beliefs of my surroundings and even though my immediate family were not particularly religious, somehow I still managed to be dragged down by delusional feelings of guilt. I can only imagine how much more guilt some of my friends who were heavily influenced by religion feel today. One of my best friends grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness only to leave the ‘cult’ at 19. Although free of its shackles, at 31 today she still has deep feelings of guilt that the religion carved into her being from a very young age. I know a girl who lives her life on anti depressants. She is so obviously gay but also happens to be a staunch Christian, which in turn stunts her true happiness, as she can never be who she was born to be. So, her continual cycle of anti depressants and church remain. Stagnation at its best.
Returning to the thought that our surrounding belief system makes us who we are and ingrains our psyche, I have to admit that this has defeated me somewhat. Religion has had an impact on me and I find it really difficult to come to the terms with the word ‘atheist’. As mentioned before, it is taboo. The word just struggles to fall off my tongue with ease. So, a happy medium for me is the word agnostic whose dictionary meaning is: A person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience. A much more comfortable read isn’t it? I believe that I am in continual evolution. What I believe today I know that I will not believe tomorrow. My ideas and thoughts move and shift through time cutting a path to my destination wherever that may be. I know that I am a naturally ‘spiritual person’. I have a strong intuition and sense of my place in this world. I am very open to all ideas and strange phenomenon. Some things out there amaze me and no rationality can ever explain them, or at least not at this present time. This is why I prefer to choose the word agnostic. I think the word atheism is perhaps just a little too arrogant or cocky for my comfort. As for my old friend religion. I guess it has its place somehow. I wont deny that there are amazing Christian teachings and that I am a fan of Buddhism. There are many a beautiful verse or quotation that has its root in the religion. However, I will have to decline the kind invitation to marry the word as I have seen too many painful divorces from it.So on that note I feel I have said my say and can put my questioning at rest for today. See you soon, Love The Spiritual Agnostic Evolver (to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution)
In order to help my folks rediscover lost friends I helped them join the Facebook community last year due to the fact that neither of them are particularly computer friendly. As mom and dad are both atheists I clicked on this tab in the religion section of their profile. A few weeks later my kind hearted mom asked me to remove this statement as she did not want to offend her religious family members and friends. It seems that it is taboo to be an atheist?Having thought about this request and knowing it was true I came to feel rather annoyed that people of religion could possibly be offended by my parents belief when in fact my parents should feel offended by the constant religious emails about Jesus and requests to go to Christian rallies for healing. In my mind that is a complete lack of respect for a belief that is totally rational in comparison to the ‘fairytale’ beliefs of religion. There are certain people who think that if they “just believe” then things will “come right” for them financially. What a ridiculous idea. So, I suppose that rich successful atheists have the devil on their side?Now I am totally a convert of positive thinking and fully believe that what we project is what we attract or as the bible tells us, “what we sow is what we reap”.To attribute success to God seems to me a bit unfair. What about us? Are we not responsible for our own destinies and paths in life? Those people who ‘believe’ are still waiting to “come right”. Approaching old age one hopes that God will finally listen to their prayers.
I know that some of my friends are anti Richard Dawkins however I feel that there is a need for his system of belief in society today. I like the name of his foundation. The Richard Dawkins Foundation for Reason and Science. Its simple, clear-cut and sums up what many people feel. Some however would argue that his foundation is in a way a kind of religion. If one looks at the meaning of the word it says: a specific fundamental set of beliefs and practices generally agreed upon by a number of persons or sects. So, I guess it is true. He has started a religious movement of like-minded people. Now once again, I am pushed away by that very word, religion. To me it brings about feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger and with that the words stupidity and brain washed pop into my head. Now to decipher the word atheist I really liked a comment made by a member on the ‘I am an Atheist’ group on Facebook: Luke: “The word “atheist does not mean that you actively disbelieve in a god. It means that you are without (prefix a) a system of belief in a deity (theism). Anyone who does not believe in the concept of “god” is an atheist. There are few out there who would go so far as to structure a system of belief around the concept of a deity not existing”.
And an apt quote:” The existence of a world without God seems to me less absurd than the presence of a God, existing in all his perfection, creating an imperfect man in order to make him run the risk of Hell.” [Armand Salacrou, “Certitudes et incertitudes,” 1943]
Having grown up in a Christian society and being indoctrinated into that way of life, my psyche has always been etched with those feelings of guilt that religion bestows. I think growing up and being naturally inquisitive led me to question many of the religious beliefs of my surroundings and even though my immediate family were not particularly religious, somehow I still managed to be dragged down by delusional feelings of guilt. I can only imagine how much more guilt some of my friends who were heavily influenced by religion feel today. One of my best friends grew up as a Jehovah’s Witness only to leave the ‘cult’ at 19. Although free of its shackles, at 31 today she still has deep feelings of guilt that the religion carved into her being from a very young age. I know a girl who lives her life on anti depressants. She is so obviously gay but also happens to be a staunch Christian, which in turn stunts her true happiness, as she can never be who she was born to be. So, her continual cycle of anti depressants and church remain. Stagnation at its best.
Returning to the thought that our surrounding belief system makes us who we are and ingrains our psyche, I have to admit that this has defeated me somewhat. Religion has had an impact on me and I find it really difficult to come to the terms with the word ‘atheist’. As mentioned before, it is taboo. The word just struggles to fall off my tongue with ease. So, a happy medium for me is the word agnostic whose dictionary meaning is: A person who holds that the existence of the ultimate cause, as God, and the essential nature of things are unknown and unknowable, or that human knowledge is limited to experience. A much more comfortable read isn’t it? I believe that I am in continual evolution. What I believe today I know that I will not believe tomorrow. My ideas and thoughts move and shift through time cutting a path to my destination wherever that may be. I know that I am a naturally ‘spiritual person’. I have a strong intuition and sense of my place in this world. I am very open to all ideas and strange phenomenon. Some things out there amaze me and no rationality can ever explain them, or at least not at this present time. This is why I prefer to choose the word agnostic. I think the word atheism is perhaps just a little too arrogant or cocky for my comfort. As for my old friend religion. I guess it has its place somehow. I wont deny that there are amazing Christian teachings and that I am a fan of Buddhism. There are many a beautiful verse or quotation that has its root in the religion. However, I will have to decline the kind invitation to marry the word as I have seen too many painful divorces from it.So on that note I feel I have said my say and can put my questioning at rest for today. See you soon, Love The Spiritual Agnostic Evolver (to come forth gradually into being; develop; undergo evolution)
Mollycoddled
A note was sent to me by my daughter’s teacher asking to meet with her about a ‘certain matter’. Slightly concerned I approached her after school to converse.Apparently it had been noted (by other parents) that I did not drop my daughter at the classroom door on certain occasions. I had left her to walk from the gate to the classroom by herself. She went on to explain that in order to adhere to health and safety regulations, I was to in future escort my daughter all the way to the classroom.I thought it would not take too long before I was reported. I did notice the look of shock coming from certain well-groomed mothers.
Internally silently fuming I just smiled and nodded my head in submission. No amount of reasoning would work. I had the same problem at my daughters last school. It’s not the teacher’s fault, its society.
An internal monologue played in my head. If I did not care about risking my parent/teacher relations I would have said:“I believe that I have taught my child well enough for her to know the rules of safety. She knows not to talk to strangers, accept gifts from them nor to go off with them. She also knows where to kick or punch if she were forcibly removed. LOL!Never mind the fact that there are a dozen parents on her short fifty yards walk from the gate to the classroom who would not allow a stranger to whisk away my daughter.I think that our children have had all their responsibility taken away from them which has in turn disabled the confidence in themselves to make informed decisions about life. I completely trust in the ability and reasoning of my daughter to make the correct decisions”.
Sigh.... sigh.... SIGH!
Back in the good old days, all kids used to walk to school. Some on their own and some in groups. They used to go to the shop for their parents to buy bread and milk. Kids would stay out till past sundown running riot in the streets and returning caked in mud and grass stains.We believed in our kids back then - we trusted in their safety and innocence. They were naughty little “£$%“£ but we never doubted their ability.
Today, we have baby monitors (For Gods sake). We have walking rings that have so many safety gadgets on them that the poor baby does not have to joy of zooming around the kitchen floor. What’s the point?
Health and safety rule our society and one cannot escape. It’s everywhere. Especially in the work place. Inductions and courses and risk assessments. All a load of tosh. Nobody pays attention anyway. It’s just there for face value and insurance of course.
Well, to hell with H and S. My babies are very happy mushing their peanut butter sandwiches on the kitchen floor and their health couldn't be better.
Internally silently fuming I just smiled and nodded my head in submission. No amount of reasoning would work. I had the same problem at my daughters last school. It’s not the teacher’s fault, its society.
An internal monologue played in my head. If I did not care about risking my parent/teacher relations I would have said:“I believe that I have taught my child well enough for her to know the rules of safety. She knows not to talk to strangers, accept gifts from them nor to go off with them. She also knows where to kick or punch if she were forcibly removed. LOL!Never mind the fact that there are a dozen parents on her short fifty yards walk from the gate to the classroom who would not allow a stranger to whisk away my daughter.I think that our children have had all their responsibility taken away from them which has in turn disabled the confidence in themselves to make informed decisions about life. I completely trust in the ability and reasoning of my daughter to make the correct decisions”.
Sigh.... sigh.... SIGH!
Back in the good old days, all kids used to walk to school. Some on their own and some in groups. They used to go to the shop for their parents to buy bread and milk. Kids would stay out till past sundown running riot in the streets and returning caked in mud and grass stains.We believed in our kids back then - we trusted in their safety and innocence. They were naughty little “£$%“£ but we never doubted their ability.
Today, we have baby monitors (For Gods sake). We have walking rings that have so many safety gadgets on them that the poor baby does not have to joy of zooming around the kitchen floor. What’s the point?
Health and safety rule our society and one cannot escape. It’s everywhere. Especially in the work place. Inductions and courses and risk assessments. All a load of tosh. Nobody pays attention anyway. It’s just there for face value and insurance of course.
Well, to hell with H and S. My babies are very happy mushing their peanut butter sandwiches on the kitchen floor and their health couldn't be better.
A South African Tale
I have been sitting here lately thinking of home. Where is home exactly? Am I completely at home in ‘safe secure’ UK with its safe green pastures, no dangerous wildlife and its home shopping delivery? Do I really enjoy queuing for a parking space in an already packed beauty beach spot? Have you ever tried to rent a place in this country? If one does not tick all the boxes, boy is it a complicated red tape procedure (as with most things in this country actually). The Brits love to cover themselves for everything. Such a cautious bunch. I remember when I used to work in Holland and Barrett; we had a sale on Aloe Vera juice. An elderly lady asked whether the juice would be good for her daughter to take. She kept me busy for at least 15 minutes asking about the benefits of the product. Having finally come to the end of my ‘speech’ she asked about any side effects or precautions. I told her that it was not advised to take during pregnancy due to the fact that it could cause a miscarriage. A look of horror crossed her face as she said “Well that wont do for my daughter then”. I asked how far her daughter was in her pregnancy to which she replied “Oh! She isn’t pregnant yet”. To which I replied “Is she trying for a baby then”? The weird batty woman said “Oh! No, she doesn’t even have a boyfriend yet – but you never know”. I rest my case.
There is all this talk on the television of immigrants and refugees. Although I am legal in this country (thanks to marriage) I really am one of them. An economic migrant. One of the many millions of people adjusting to another society, fitting in with their ways. I have been here since 1997 and have had to quell my typical South African straightforward way to the reserved ‘politically correct’ ways of the British. I was told that my way was too blunt and even down right rude. In my opinion, I was merely being honest. When I speak to my friends over here, to some degree, they feel the same. Dreaming of a life back in South Africa in the hot sun. Walking in nature, smelling the strong aroma of fynbos. Smiling friendly people welcoming you to their homes at the drop of a hat.
BUT I wonder if it will ever be that we eventually give up the easy life of comforts abroad for the beauty of home? I don’t think so. Of all my friends, I can count less than a handful that have chosen to remain in South Africa. Of my friend’s friends, there is a similar situation. I only have three family members left behind. We have all left home. All living abroad - UK, USA, Australia. What an impact this must have on the work sector in South Africa?
With all our dreams of a beautiful united South Africa, it just isn’t. Memories of a wild nature filled childhood, sneaking off to clubs at night, R5 movies etc. don’t exist anymore. Remember parking for free?The cost of living is beyond ridiculous. I have a family member who can’t even afford to send her kids to school. The middle classes are becoming extinct. You either belong to the rich elite or you belong to the very poor.
If feels as if us cowardly deserters have left a ‘littered’ South Africa rife with crime, poverty and economic problems. By leaving our home, we have left the ‘rubbish’ and ‘pollution’ to rot and fester, hoping that somehow, one day we can return to a clean, safe, rainbow nation.
The guilt inside us eats away everyday as we watch in horror at the genocide killings. Things are getting out of hand and secretly we are relieved to have escaped. Who knows what the future may bring? War or Peace?As much as I am not a devotee of religion and churches, I thank God (if there is one) that there are churches for the people to escape to. Although I am a fan of the famous atheist Richard Dawkins, its all very fine and well for a comfortable westerner to declare that God does not exist. Put him in a crisis situation where he lives below the bread line trying to feed a starving child and escape murder. I doubt whether he would so boldly shout that there is no God. Hope is all the poor have and if that involves God, then so be it.
The way I see life is that every human being is a cell in the whole body of our planet. Each cell belongs to an organ (the family unit). If each ‘organ’ looked after themselves, the body as a whole would be healthy. I often think how us South Africans can help from abroad. Perhaps we should donate to small local charities that are in South Africa? We should continue buying arts and crafts and our favoured home treats. We have a duty to try and help. If we all stick together, maybe, just maybe the world will function as a healthy body. All I can do is hope.
There is all this talk on the television of immigrants and refugees. Although I am legal in this country (thanks to marriage) I really am one of them. An economic migrant. One of the many millions of people adjusting to another society, fitting in with their ways. I have been here since 1997 and have had to quell my typical South African straightforward way to the reserved ‘politically correct’ ways of the British. I was told that my way was too blunt and even down right rude. In my opinion, I was merely being honest. When I speak to my friends over here, to some degree, they feel the same. Dreaming of a life back in South Africa in the hot sun. Walking in nature, smelling the strong aroma of fynbos. Smiling friendly people welcoming you to their homes at the drop of a hat.
BUT I wonder if it will ever be that we eventually give up the easy life of comforts abroad for the beauty of home? I don’t think so. Of all my friends, I can count less than a handful that have chosen to remain in South Africa. Of my friend’s friends, there is a similar situation. I only have three family members left behind. We have all left home. All living abroad - UK, USA, Australia. What an impact this must have on the work sector in South Africa?
With all our dreams of a beautiful united South Africa, it just isn’t. Memories of a wild nature filled childhood, sneaking off to clubs at night, R5 movies etc. don’t exist anymore. Remember parking for free?The cost of living is beyond ridiculous. I have a family member who can’t even afford to send her kids to school. The middle classes are becoming extinct. You either belong to the rich elite or you belong to the very poor.
If feels as if us cowardly deserters have left a ‘littered’ South Africa rife with crime, poverty and economic problems. By leaving our home, we have left the ‘rubbish’ and ‘pollution’ to rot and fester, hoping that somehow, one day we can return to a clean, safe, rainbow nation.
The guilt inside us eats away everyday as we watch in horror at the genocide killings. Things are getting out of hand and secretly we are relieved to have escaped. Who knows what the future may bring? War or Peace?As much as I am not a devotee of religion and churches, I thank God (if there is one) that there are churches for the people to escape to. Although I am a fan of the famous atheist Richard Dawkins, its all very fine and well for a comfortable westerner to declare that God does not exist. Put him in a crisis situation where he lives below the bread line trying to feed a starving child and escape murder. I doubt whether he would so boldly shout that there is no God. Hope is all the poor have and if that involves God, then so be it.
The way I see life is that every human being is a cell in the whole body of our planet. Each cell belongs to an organ (the family unit). If each ‘organ’ looked after themselves, the body as a whole would be healthy. I often think how us South Africans can help from abroad. Perhaps we should donate to small local charities that are in South Africa? We should continue buying arts and crafts and our favoured home treats. We have a duty to try and help. If we all stick together, maybe, just maybe the world will function as a healthy body. All I can do is hope.
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